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be careful what you wish for [14 Dec 2013|05:35pm]

chuck finally kicked K out of the house.  she's ceased coming home on weekends, won't tell anyone what she's doing, and refuses to obey any rules. it was the last straw.


so, what I've been hoping for over the last year finally came, and it's the worst kind of drag you can imagine. 


luckily, kicking a 17 year old out doesn't violate the law. apparently she can be on her own and we're not liable for her or in trouble for doing it.  win for us (?)


it's a forgone conclusion that she's going drugs again. 


her room is bare, her belonging are bagged outside, waiting for her.  I'm going to dismantle what's left and rearranging the room.


guess it's time to move on.

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All that I do [21 Aug 2013|03:00pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]

This has been a good year. We've had some absolutely rough patches, and some increadibly tough challenges, but we made it. That's all that matters: We made it.

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[14 Aug 2013|02:04pm]

life is treating me like the crush i had in high school: only talking to me for long enough to see something prettier, then start ignoring me again.


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Musical Tattoos [31 Jan 2013|08:39am]
[ mood | excited ]

So at random today, I plugged in Skinny Puppy into my Pandora channels and LO! I've been listening to all the great goth-y hits since 5:30 this morning. Fucking nostalgic musical experience.

In unrelated news, I've made the foregone conclusion that I've passed the "give a fuck" threshold on how many tattoos I've got and exactly how much of my body is covered by them. Thusly, I've made the necessary overtures to start a piece to (painfully!) begin at my rib cage, beneath my heart. What's nifty about this piece is that I hadn't originally thought I'd be they type of person who'd get a tattoo "for" anyone. But, over this summer, I was proved that this wasn't the case. Pictures of it will be forthcoming to the bookings of the face.

Luckily for him, my husband's concluded that I'll be beautiful no matter what (which wouldn't stop me anyway, because I'm going to follow my heart and my expression, which is fortunate that he's elected to not protest. I'd have to tell him to suck it if he had, which wouldn't be fun for him).

I believe there's a part of me that would end up being tattooed from collarbone to toe-bones, if I had the right job, and my husband hadn't forbidden a chest tattoo. I'm sure I'll whittle him down eventually though on that one. =)

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[16 Sep 2010|09:33pm]
I'm the rule, not the exception.

Terrific affirmation.

I would like the world to stop for a moment..... So I can get off it.
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update [12 Apr 2010|10:21pm]
in the hopes that i would be ableb to tackle my issue head first, i dumped my ideas out to kris last night after he slunk home followijng a 20 hour game and nerd fest.

he agreed to scheduled house chores, baby-watching, the solid fact that i am going to have breastfeeding until GREY AND I decide it's time to wean.

i explained that being cut off from the SAHM possibilities was hurtful and sadenning, and kris needed to talk to more than just HIS mom for an example.

i told him that i needed to know that i was going to have a partner, and the fact that we arent engaged anymore is circumstatial and not permanent; that he had best make good on intentions and not keep me in the dark, afraid. that it doesnt mean he has to talk about getting married to me at least once a week. but that sometimes i need some assurance..... as hes much more non-verbal, and i sometimes need a little boost.

i told him to keep me in the know, and not in the dark, and he agreed. im content with the agreement for the time being, but more to come later.
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Yule tide woes [07 Dec 2008|03:53pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]

So the great wrapping of gifts has begun. In terms of who-got-what, it goes a little something like nya:

-Mom: Knitted blanket. Not even finished yet. I suspect I will be able to finish it in time. Barely.
-Jim: Charitable donation (per his request) to _______. I have yet to find an organization I think he might like me to donate to.
-Caitlin: Cream colored silk draping scarf. Hand knit. I'd like to get her shawl finished by Xmas, but no guarantees. This makes me a bad sister. :(
-Nick: Still nothing. No idea what the hell to get him at this point.
-Gus: Little Choo-choo train sweater vest. What else could I get a 10 month old baby?

Stocking stuffers are a little of this, and that. Mostly just fun stuff. I plan on picking up some little things here and there over the next week regardless. Things like chap stick and hand lotion, and little (heathy-ish) candies, etc.

My whole family agreed that this Christmas was going to be low key and price, which delights me. Even though that hand knit stuff constitutes ONE present a person (roughly), the price could have been rolled over to maybe 2-3 gifts a person.

C'est la vie.

Edit: Can I give Gus a hand-me-down (but brand new) stuffed toy? Would that be tacky-tacky? I mean, it's not like I would say "this is a hand-me-down"... But can I get away with giving that? I hate that I didn't knit anything for Gus, but the bear he's getting (eventually) is a pain in the ass to make, and he's so little he won't even know what the hell it is for about 6 months. Hence why I might be able to give it to him for his 1st B-day.......

Yeah. I'm a bad person, aren't I? :(

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Momma said there'd be days like this. [13 Oct 2008|09:58pm]
[ mood | blank ]

Today I get somersaults, with strange and slightly uncomfortable positions.

Strangely; (and I *wish* I was kidding about this) knitting is helping. Sadly, my main project needs to wait until my next little bundle of yarns get here. Approximately 5 to 10 days. Very unfortunate. But in the meantime I have 3 other projects to keep me in line: a 2/3's finished hand towel (which I will never make another one of), 1 barely started wash rag, and 1 1/3 done teddy bear, due for Gus' first birthday in February. Technically it was supposed to be a birth present, but babies don't need stuffed animals.

I'm hoping my sister Caitlin finds it in her heart to forgive me the excessive tardiness.

I'm almost sure she won't care.

I'm also almost sure she and I will never have an actual sister relationship. I always get the vibe that she gets more harassed by me calling her than happy.

Last few days have been rough emotionally. Afraid of a lot of things. Things like 'life is never going to be the same' and 'am I really ready to be someone's parent', 'will I be any good at being a mother'. Stuff that's just generally unable to be answered by anything than just jumping in the fire.

It's all a little scary, that's for sure.

All of my friends or acquaintances who have children are married accept me. Honestly, it doesn't bother me in the way you might think. But sitting tonight with the book club I'm in, talking about babies and marriage, and relationships made me feel like I'd missed out on something. When truly, I can't even say with assurance that I am the kind of person who wants to be married. Maybe that's something I just feel at this time in my life. Maybe it will be forever.

I'm glad that in whatever way it happened, I didn't feel alienated from the group. I blame this solely on the presence of the baby. I'm sure the first of many instances in which I will have to blame him (sorry kiddo, hope you realize I still love you). (that side note was posterity's sake).

But, as kind of the usual, but amplified by my fears and my hormones; I feel desperately lonely. Lonely for a man in my life, or a friend I can confide in and feel safe, or my mom to just maybe show up and say something lovely like "have I mentioned I'm happy for you, or proud of you". Lonely for the father of the baby to be as happy and curious about what's going on as I am, maybe lonely for an animal -or something other than just myself kicking on around this place.

Maybe I'm just starved for a little warmth. Who knows. I'm sure that a little of what's going on is creating that need for me. I just need to keep my chin up, and know that things are going to be okay, and I'm doing pretty well so far (considering that I only JUST got a changing table. I know -I know. But I'm waiting until my shower is over, as CAREFULLY instructed time and time again by all the parents I know).

I also know that while I might not be one of those women who fawns and "oo's" and "Aaah's" about when the baby moves, and when you get to watch something interesting happening to, or in you. Or when you pick up a baby item that you needed or wanted, or just went ga-ga over. I'm not a mom who is twittered over all things relating to baby.

I still know he's in there, and even though there is this part of me that's a little afraid of what happens next when he comes out..... I think he will be the most magnificent adventure I'll ever have.

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too many different directions. [08 Oct 2008|07:30pm]
[ mood | bored ]

After sunset, I can't motivate to re-arrange my house anymore. :( I need to get my living room cleaned out, but every time I come home, I fail at motivating.

I went to the goodwill today and bought a hammer-ton of onsies (at .99 each), and proceeded to disinfect them with oxyclean and hot water in my sink; the other half has a clog in the damn u-bend (lame).

I'm going through a phase where I want to clear out acres of stuff just for the sake of having room, but I might actually need some of that stuff some other time. Or at least have a keen need to use it. If you are trying to justify getting rid of hoards of junk; what tactics do you use in decision making?

Also; I need someone to come hang my grandfathers netski case. It's too heavy for me to do anything with; aside from slide it across the floor. Takers? I will feed you.

I might have you help me move books, if you feel up for it. If not, forget I mentioned anything.

Mountains of shit to rummage through that I would sooner just burn. Loads of room inside other objects like plastic storage, book cases, and other things. I should give away all the art I've made and stuffed in corners. No one can even try to like it when it's all trapped in there.

If a product purchased from King Soopers makes your insides squeemy and unhappy, and you don't have your proof of purchase, can you still take it back?

I should be making food right now, but I'm strangely not hungry and have a touch of heartburn.

I should go to bed, but I should also give some serious thought to eating something. Why on earth I don't want to eat escapes me...

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[10 Aug 2008|02:17pm]
Я не хочу быть вашим другом. Идет ад отсутствующий.
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For seriouslies.... I need warez. :( [18 Jul 2008|05:33pm]
I've got a potent need to buy. Want to sell me some 7/16"? I'm really looking for dicro, satin eyelets (DF preferred!!), and planet anything.

Please.... show me your goods... It's been a sad week.
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[30 Jan 2008|09:11am]
[ mood | amused ]

Also, smoking a joint could cause lung cancer.   Glad I'm not a pot-smoking hippie


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[14 Jun 2007|08:49pm]
[ mood | sore ]

This is my livejournal, there are many like it; but this one is mine. 

This journal will be Friends Only .  So if I don't have you added, you'll have absolutely no idea what I'm blogging on-and-on about.

Shoot me a message if you'd like to add me, but remind me who you are.  I may not remember or already know your lj handle.

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